Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
