Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
