Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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