burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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