I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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