just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
