I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
