oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
