Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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