how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
