just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
