just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
