Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
