I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
