Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
