i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
