I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
