The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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