Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
