you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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