i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
