You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
