HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
