Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just forgot I was standing up.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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