i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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