I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
