GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Come share oat with me in your robe
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
