I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
