get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
