I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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