lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
