Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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