I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
