plz talk dirty to me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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