I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You don't make any sense
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