so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
