I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
