Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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