GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
