Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
