i think my mom watched the whole time
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize