Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
