i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize