Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
