my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was confusing and full of hummus
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I love you. Go after that dick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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