Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
