i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
