I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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