Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
