Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I want a musical about memes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
