If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize