you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
