just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
