I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
where are my eyebrows?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
