I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
