3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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