Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize