I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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