I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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