I heard we made out
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I will pee on everything he values.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize