went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
