im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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