my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
