she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
