Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We got so high we made milksteak
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
