I want to have your abortion
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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