Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Please, let me fuck your mom
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
